How To Overcome Your Fear of Writing Rejection

Last week, I talked about 7 common fears faced by people who want to write, live, in my Facebook writing community, The Writer’s Hideaway. I promised that throughout the month of January, I’d cover how you can overcome each of these fears. It’s time to take about fear #1 – REJECTION.

Rejection is probably the most common fear and that’s why I wanted to talk about this first. It’s not just a common fear for writers, it’s a general fear faced by most of us at some point in our lives. We will all, in fact, have memories of being a child in which we asked or suggested something that was important to us which was rejected by another. When we were playing on the playground with our friends and suggested a game, in which some other children tell you, ‘That’s a rubbish game,’ and so you end up playing their game instead, but something inside gets to you (a feeling in the pit of your stomach) because that other dismissed your idea. An idea that you had been brave enough to share. An idea you DIDN’T think was rubbish – you believed in it!

That’s probably not the first time you’ve felt rejected, it’s just an example but as a child, we’re often encouraged to try new things and your brave enough to express your ideas, but when you feel they are constantly ignored, belittled, or dismissed, some people stop sharing, try to slip into the background, and even become anxious when we are asked to contribute. This can continue way into adulthood!

Now, let me clear something up…

Nobody particularly enjoys rejection!

BUT…

It’s a part of life, and it’s something we need to learn to cope with. Especially if you want to write because rejection often plays a huge part of being a writer. That doesn’t mean we should give up – you just need to accept that you can’t avoid it!

I’m about to share with you something you probably haven’t considered but it’s no secret in the world of writing…

ALL WRITERS HAVE BEEN REJECTED!

…and just to add to that, they’ve been rejected on more than one occasion.

What’s the difference between them and you?

They chose to accept and learn from their experience.

They chose to not give up, they dusted themselves down and continued to write.

They chose to try again, so they continued to perfect their work and submit it again.

Because they understand that rejection doesn’t have to break your spirit.

Facts that will blow your mind:

1. J.K, Rowling was rejected by 12 publishers with her first Harry Potter book. Bloomsbury offered her a small publishing contract but she was told that she wouldn’t make money by writing children’s books (who’s laughing now, right?).
2. John Grisham’s first novel, A Time to Kill, was turned down by 15 agents and 26 publishers. Although it didn’t become an instant best seller, his proceeding three novels were successful.
3. A non-fiction book called Co-Dependent No More, by Melody Beattie sold over 5 million copies, but had originally been turned down by 20 publishers.

What do we learn from these UNREAL facts?

Well, it’s obvious… Not everyone is going to like your writing and that’s okay… The important thing is that your AUDIENCE does. Now imagine that the three people above gave up and didn’t continuously try and get their books published…

We’d be robbing the world of amazing talent, right?

I wholeheartedly believe that.

So, to overcome your fear of rejection, there are some things you can do:

1. Not everyone has to like your writing – accept that. It’s okay! Rejection is something you need to come to terms with.
2. Remember, the people who matter are your audience, so be clear on who you are writing to/for!
3. Don’t give up. If you do, you could be robbing the world of the next big thing. If you have something valid to say, say it!
4. Rejection gives you experience. It doesn’t mean ‘nobody’ likes your work, it means one person, or even a few people, don’t. There are billions of people in the world – so even 20 rejections isn’t a true representation of how good your writing is (or isn’t). Embrace the experience – you know you’re really a writer when you’ve been rejected.
5. Read through any feedback you get and assess if there are any valid learning points. We have the opportunity to learn from every experience, and while sometimes people are brutal and nasty, it says more about them. Look for valid comments only and use them to develop.

Rejection is a real fear. It’s not nice, but it happens in everything we do. Use the points above to turn rejection into a positive – as much as you possibly can and learn from all experiences. Put any rejections you feel into perspective by considering who rejected you (are they qualified to reject you? Who are they? What do they know/do?), why they rejected you (any valid feedback or learnings), and what this means (20 rejections versus billions of people)?

You have the power to choose how you respond to rejection. It’s a part of life and something that everyone needs to learn to overcome. Remember, that ALL people, including writers, have been rejected. Move on. Don’t give up!

Much love,

Janet XOXO